When it came to my transition, the people whom I turned to were my trans sisters, people who had transitioned before me who had years and years of their life being their desired gender and who became my friends in the process. So YouTube really did help me flourish, express myself and find a community where I felt safe to do so. There was no time in my day-to-day life where I could put on makeup and find like-minded people. It was very frustrating to not know where I stood in the world. Looking back, I did not have a role model or even anyone that was in the shape of what I could identify with on TV or in movies. At the end of the day, I never really saw anyone like me on YouTube, so I was truly on my own. But the double-edge sword of YouTube is that you are still in charge of establishing your own identity, in front of a faceless audience who is always ready to judge and criticize. Michelle Phan was doing beauty videos, and her creativity was inspiring, challenging me to attempt different beauty looks and styles. I was 16 and had almost no one to look up to in the beauty space and had to pioneer my own journey.

I am free.When I started on YouTube in 2008, it was a completely different place. I own my personal power with soulful courage. I have made nice with the fears and I have accepted the parts of my life that are just sad. The real work that needed to be done in my life was to actually accept failure, pain, brokenness, and self sabotage. There is so much stigma around the word alcoholism or the label of an alcoholic. “I can’t believe it has been 4yrs! It feels like maybe 2,” she recalled. I wanted to live as a leader does and break cycles to advance forward- never looking back with regret and remorse over any choice I have made and would make for the rest of my time here within this beautiful world.”

I wanted to feel the pain so I could carry it like a badge of honor. Jessica continued, “Personally, to do this I needed to stop drinking alcohol because it kept my mind and heart circling in the same direction and quite honestly I was exhausted. I knew in this very moment I would allow myself to take back my light, show victory over my internal battle of self respect, and brave this world with piercing clarity.”

I had so much self discovery to unlock and explore. She recently posted a throwback photo to Instagram about her sober journey, writing, “This person in the early morning of is an unrecognizable version of myself.

Gigi gorgeous before